Beautiful and heart wrenching, thank you. After 7 years divorced, 2 job changes, caring for and losing my Dad, I now at 64 feel this gaping hole in my life. This giant longing not for a partner so much but for community, small town caring, showing up for each other etc.
Powerful... my wife and I are planning a next-year move to be closer to kids and grandkids; we haven't built strong community here (after 11 years) and I feel the pang this article has awakened. I need to be praying not only for proximity to kids, but for the forming of that illusive community that we all need... thanks for the awakening.
Wowowowowowowowow. Well said, and sad, and true. A beautiful sad story. One that describes my own disappointment with finding community after a move (RIGHT before Covid). Same but different.
I too call myself a loner but I wasn't always a loner. I've thought a lot about what makes community good and why it is hard and faced the reality that it's organic and created and unique and unstructured and shaped and reflective and personalized.
I have thought of my loner status as an odd combination of things. Like being alone (in a world made of and for couples), and being an older woman (where it's just hard to feel as comfortable being alone sometimes), in a new location (that is a small city but at its core a college town through-and-through), and being in a very big church (where I am invisible).
Becasuse it was divorce that made me single again, my grown son and his wife might find it awkward trying to figure out how to be together with me as well. So that makes it all the weirder and harder, as my need for community feels doubly amplified. And -
I've thought of moving back (its been 5 years) but life moves on and my community back in NC wasn't quite like the one you described. In fact, they've drifted, not all are still doing life together. So that's a big reason to face the truth - community is grace. If you have it, hold onto it. Notice it. Value it. Celebrate it. Hang on and don't let go.
Stunning! As a TCK who’s only lived in most house for two years max and is currently a senior in college with more community here than I feel I’ve ever had, fearfully eyeing the end date as it comes, this makes my soul cry. Can’t wait for the second part.
Well written. Community has so many variations. Frankly no matter what church I have attended/belonged to, I have always felt I was being held at arm's length. My "people " aren't at church. I belong to a fraternal organization that, although it is not a replacement for church nor is it meant to be, has given me the support and connection through the ups and downs of my life that frankly has not happened in the church body. Our daughters do not attend our church as adults, in fact our oldest actually has panic attacks walking into the building. (I have no clue what happened for sure, but the connection everyone else always seems to find has eluded us.) Looking forward to part two of your article.
Wow...what an incredible, thoughtful piece. Sophia, you are an exceptional writer. I know the ache for this community so well and look forward to your continued reflections.
Thank you for this illuminating essay. I have been reading a great deal of Wendell Berry lately on his Beatitude-vision of community, and I am praying for wisdom to know the best ways to put it into actual practice.
Great article. I very much tend toward reveling in my quiet and private time. Covid really incubated me further into that homebody satisfaction. Slowly knowing I also need to show up and out more in community. Been baby stepping it for sure. One little goal I do recently is when I have to step out- not heading home until I have smiled at and said Hello to at least 10 people, with openness to their presence and interactions.
It's an interesting dynamic, especially for writers and other creatives. We need solitude for the act of creating, but we also need community for the sake of our souls ... and for our growth.
Having spent years in India in a very different community than I now traverse, it has taken time to recognize the value of building deep friendships in my local spaces ... and then once I recognized the need, to actually begin and do the work of developing those friendships.
I think, if it wasn't for my children (realizing that they needed a steady foundation and home to build their lives upon), I would not have been so eager to step into the messiness of other lives ... my own life being more than messy enough.
Thankfully, my husband is not only gifted in hospitality but he's also a terrific cook, so having acquaintances over has been a way of slowly building friendships over the years since we moved here. (There's nothing like being able to say, "Hey, you want to come over for butter chicken and naans?" to develop community.) :)
This cry for community and the connection of kindred spirits is so heartfelt. Thank you for expressing what many of us living in a world separated by flesh and Spirit are feeling.
This was really thought-provoking, and I'm looking forward to reading through this again more slowly with my husband, as well as part 2 of this essay. I've been considering this topic a lot lately, even more after finished Justin Whitmel Early's book Made for People. The community in Denton reminds me a lot of what he describes in his book.
This article struck a chord in my heart. I needed a ride to the airport, and I didn't really have anyone to ask. I have friends, but I lack community. My closest friends live an hour away, so not worth asking for an airport ride. I do try, hosting weekly dinners for whoever shows up, but they are often precarious (because of health challenges faced by one member). When they happen they are great though!
Beautiful and heart wrenching, thank you. After 7 years divorced, 2 job changes, caring for and losing my Dad, I now at 64 feel this gaping hole in my life. This giant longing not for a partner so much but for community, small town caring, showing up for each other etc.
I cannot wait for part 2..
Powerful... my wife and I are planning a next-year move to be closer to kids and grandkids; we haven't built strong community here (after 11 years) and I feel the pang this article has awakened. I need to be praying not only for proximity to kids, but for the forming of that illusive community that we all need... thanks for the awakening.
Wowowowowowowowow. Well said, and sad, and true. A beautiful sad story. One that describes my own disappointment with finding community after a move (RIGHT before Covid). Same but different.
I too call myself a loner but I wasn't always a loner. I've thought a lot about what makes community good and why it is hard and faced the reality that it's organic and created and unique and unstructured and shaped and reflective and personalized.
I have thought of my loner status as an odd combination of things. Like being alone (in a world made of and for couples), and being an older woman (where it's just hard to feel as comfortable being alone sometimes), in a new location (that is a small city but at its core a college town through-and-through), and being in a very big church (where I am invisible).
Becasuse it was divorce that made me single again, my grown son and his wife might find it awkward trying to figure out how to be together with me as well. So that makes it all the weirder and harder, as my need for community feels doubly amplified. And -
I've thought of moving back (its been 5 years) but life moves on and my community back in NC wasn't quite like the one you described. In fact, they've drifted, not all are still doing life together. So that's a big reason to face the truth - community is grace. If you have it, hold onto it. Notice it. Value it. Celebrate it. Hang on and don't let go.
I look forward to part 2.
Stunning! As a TCK who’s only lived in most house for two years max and is currently a senior in college with more community here than I feel I’ve ever had, fearfully eyeing the end date as it comes, this makes my soul cry. Can’t wait for the second part.
Well written. Community has so many variations. Frankly no matter what church I have attended/belonged to, I have always felt I was being held at arm's length. My "people " aren't at church. I belong to a fraternal organization that, although it is not a replacement for church nor is it meant to be, has given me the support and connection through the ups and downs of my life that frankly has not happened in the church body. Our daughters do not attend our church as adults, in fact our oldest actually has panic attacks walking into the building. (I have no clue what happened for sure, but the connection everyone else always seems to find has eluded us.) Looking forward to part two of your article.
Wow...what an incredible, thoughtful piece. Sophia, you are an exceptional writer. I know the ache for this community so well and look forward to your continued reflections.
Thank you for this illuminating essay. I have been reading a great deal of Wendell Berry lately on his Beatitude-vision of community, and I am praying for wisdom to know the best ways to put it into actual practice.
Great article. I very much tend toward reveling in my quiet and private time. Covid really incubated me further into that homebody satisfaction. Slowly knowing I also need to show up and out more in community. Been baby stepping it for sure. One little goal I do recently is when I have to step out- not heading home until I have smiled at and said Hello to at least 10 people, with openness to their presence and interactions.
It's an interesting dynamic, especially for writers and other creatives. We need solitude for the act of creating, but we also need community for the sake of our souls ... and for our growth.
Having spent years in India in a very different community than I now traverse, it has taken time to recognize the value of building deep friendships in my local spaces ... and then once I recognized the need, to actually begin and do the work of developing those friendships.
I think, if it wasn't for my children (realizing that they needed a steady foundation and home to build their lives upon), I would not have been so eager to step into the messiness of other lives ... my own life being more than messy enough.
Thankfully, my husband is not only gifted in hospitality but he's also a terrific cook, so having acquaintances over has been a way of slowly building friendships over the years since we moved here. (There's nothing like being able to say, "Hey, you want to come over for butter chicken and naans?" to develop community.) :)
This cry for community and the connection of kindred spirits is so heartfelt. Thank you for expressing what many of us living in a world separated by flesh and Spirit are feeling.
This is so timely. Sophia does a beautiful job describing an increasingly common hardship.
This was really thought-provoking, and I'm looking forward to reading through this again more slowly with my husband, as well as part 2 of this essay. I've been considering this topic a lot lately, even more after finished Justin Whitmel Early's book Made for People. The community in Denton reminds me a lot of what he describes in his book.
This article struck a chord in my heart. I needed a ride to the airport, and I didn't really have anyone to ask. I have friends, but I lack community. My closest friends live an hour away, so not worth asking for an airport ride. I do try, hosting weekly dinners for whoever shows up, but they are often precarious (because of health challenges faced by one member). When they happen they are great though!
Thank you for this!
--Amrita
Well written and very insightful article.