As another enneagram 4, reading this piece felt like reading my own mind. After years of trying to figure myself out, pursuing happiness through self reflection, I am realizing more and more that sweeping my porch in the morning and watching the squirrels chase each other around the cottonwood tree is infinitely more satisfying.
Evocative read full of bright and instructive moments---thank you Sarah and Inkwell!
Still, I can't help but wonder--having lived long in the age of incessant self-broadcasting AND finger-wagging reactions against it--if we're missing the point when we chastise specific groups "the self-obsessed hot girls" (even in the abstract)
I've become increasingly curious about proactive antidotes to our social-media maladies--- what might it mean, for example, to cultivate and encourage deep engagement with the world/others---the outward gaze---instead of defaulting to more lamentation about the proliferation of new-age digital egoism and its (already well-documented) harms?
Awareness that constant self-indulgence is problematic and reaffirmations that only God can rightly identify/heal our wounds hasn't done much to reverse the cultural trends.
How might this conversation be changed by questions like 'how do we tempt (shift, coax, delight??) the gaze out (from the navel) into the world we are called to love, or up to the God we are called to worship?
I lovedddd the invitation to think of our brokenness as a portal to divine communion and the nod to Arthur C. Brooks, one of our finest--and Catholic, if you didn't know!
Not to be an out-and-out contrarian, but when my friends post a 12/10 selfie, I'm 'yasss kweeen-ing' with the best of them. Lol.
Thank you for this engaging and insightful comment! I love that question you asked about how we can shift, coax and delight our gaze outward and upward. That really feels like the heart of this conversation. And I agree that simple chastisement is not the way to go. Would be so curious to hear your thoughts on this essay I wrote about my hot girl experiment: https://theotherdarlings.substack.com/p/please-dont-like-my-thirst-traps Always hoping to strike a balance between engagement and nuanced criticism when needed.
And YES Arthur Brooks is the GOAT. Can't get enough of his writing and work.
Loved this! Since I deleted my FB and Instagram accounts I have felt weight of comparison and over self-analysis lift.
I enjoyed how you struck a balance between emphasising a healthy self-awareness where we let God speak to us without falling into becoming overly introspective.
I definitely can relate. I remember a sermon by Jen Wilkin about that Psalm, about verse 14: "I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." So many times we focus on that verse, on gaining affirmation, but really the rest of the Psalm is about looking to God, about thinking of ourselves less and Him more. Self-awareness is healed when it comes after looking to God first. I need this reminder every day. Thank you for sharing!
Although I will take anything C. S. Lewis writes over almost anything anyone else writes, I have to thank Sarah Jane for lifting a few quotes into the light and educating me about something very important: knowing oneself until it gets too deep and beyond our comprehension, because I think we can never completely know ourselves....and I don't think we should even WANT to know it all. It would be too much to comprehend and just drive us crazy, which sounds like the end result of too much navel-gazing.
Isn't C.S. Lewis just the best of them? I can very honestly say that his writing has changed my life. I have a hard time writing anything without quoting him :)
As someone born on the tail end of Gen X and coming of age in the 90's, I feel it is important to note that there was another term used at the time for those who were tempted by the lure of self-absorption.
These were called the shoe-gazers - something like navel gazers except their sights are set even lower.
Primarily it was a term used to describe working class British bands like the Doves, Verve and Dodgy - these were bands/guys who did not make eye contact with the crowd as they strummed their guitars and sang about issues of an existential nature.
I tend to think that shoe-gazing, unlike the navel-gazing that Sarah describes in her essay, is borne of a certain humility and groundedness, rather than self-promotion or vanity.
If there was anything pejorative about the term it was that these bands were aloof if not indifferent to their audiences.
Quite different from the navel gazers of the current generation - but like Sarah we need to do these experiments for a reason.
Oh this idea of shoe-gazing is fascinating. I haven't heard of that before. Definitely an interesting correlation here. Thank you for reading, Timothy!
Self absorbed living removes all beauty, grace, and mystery from our lives. What we see, hear, experience in this crazy world -a child splashing in water, a dog running to its owner in joy, the taste of ice cream- all daily graces, gifts to us from God.
This the year I deleted all social media, stopped weighing myself, I stay up late stuck in a good book, and stopped evaluating every thought, every minute of my life, and commit distress to Gods mercy.
This. The obsession with self created by Facebook, Instagram etc is ridiculous and unhealthy. It's a distraction from focus on God. A friend urged me to take the Enneagram test, and my thought is, Why? So that I can think about myself more? C.S. Lewis' words are so good! God will give us just the right amount of self awareness so that we are wise but not self obsessed. We don't live for the admiration of strangers on social media, but for the approval of our audience of One.
As another enneagram 4, reading this piece felt like reading my own mind. After years of trying to figure myself out, pursuing happiness through self reflection, I am realizing more and more that sweeping my porch in the morning and watching the squirrels chase each other around the cottonwood tree is infinitely more satisfying.
Enneagram 4's unite! And thank you for reading! Wishing you more squirrel watching and sweeping. How lovely. <3
Evocative read full of bright and instructive moments---thank you Sarah and Inkwell!
Still, I can't help but wonder--having lived long in the age of incessant self-broadcasting AND finger-wagging reactions against it--if we're missing the point when we chastise specific groups "the self-obsessed hot girls" (even in the abstract)
I've become increasingly curious about proactive antidotes to our social-media maladies--- what might it mean, for example, to cultivate and encourage deep engagement with the world/others---the outward gaze---instead of defaulting to more lamentation about the proliferation of new-age digital egoism and its (already well-documented) harms?
Awareness that constant self-indulgence is problematic and reaffirmations that only God can rightly identify/heal our wounds hasn't done much to reverse the cultural trends.
How might this conversation be changed by questions like 'how do we tempt (shift, coax, delight??) the gaze out (from the navel) into the world we are called to love, or up to the God we are called to worship?
I lovedddd the invitation to think of our brokenness as a portal to divine communion and the nod to Arthur C. Brooks, one of our finest--and Catholic, if you didn't know!
Not to be an out-and-out contrarian, but when my friends post a 12/10 selfie, I'm 'yasss kweeen-ing' with the best of them. Lol.
Thank you for this engaging and insightful comment! I love that question you asked about how we can shift, coax and delight our gaze outward and upward. That really feels like the heart of this conversation. And I agree that simple chastisement is not the way to go. Would be so curious to hear your thoughts on this essay I wrote about my hot girl experiment: https://theotherdarlings.substack.com/p/please-dont-like-my-thirst-traps Always hoping to strike a balance between engagement and nuanced criticism when needed.
And YES Arthur Brooks is the GOAT. Can't get enough of his writing and work.
Giiirl if you’re tempting me to read and feedback consider the bait taken 😂 — stay tuned!!
I like your positivity here, and agree that the answer doesn't lie in chastising others.
Loved this! Since I deleted my FB and Instagram accounts I have felt weight of comparison and over self-analysis lift.
I enjoyed how you struck a balance between emphasising a healthy self-awareness where we let God speak to us without falling into becoming overly introspective.
I definitely can relate. I remember a sermon by Jen Wilkin about that Psalm, about verse 14: "I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." So many times we focus on that verse, on gaining affirmation, but really the rest of the Psalm is about looking to God, about thinking of ourselves less and Him more. Self-awareness is healed when it comes after looking to God first. I need this reminder every day. Thank you for sharing!
Although I will take anything C. S. Lewis writes over almost anything anyone else writes, I have to thank Sarah Jane for lifting a few quotes into the light and educating me about something very important: knowing oneself until it gets too deep and beyond our comprehension, because I think we can never completely know ourselves....and I don't think we should even WANT to know it all. It would be too much to comprehend and just drive us crazy, which sounds like the end result of too much navel-gazing.
Isn't C.S. Lewis just the best of them? I can very honestly say that his writing has changed my life. I have a hard time writing anything without quoting him :)
Great essay here by Sarah Jane Souther.
As someone born on the tail end of Gen X and coming of age in the 90's, I feel it is important to note that there was another term used at the time for those who were tempted by the lure of self-absorption.
These were called the shoe-gazers - something like navel gazers except their sights are set even lower.
Primarily it was a term used to describe working class British bands like the Doves, Verve and Dodgy - these were bands/guys who did not make eye contact with the crowd as they strummed their guitars and sang about issues of an existential nature.
I tend to think that shoe-gazing, unlike the navel-gazing that Sarah describes in her essay, is borne of a certain humility and groundedness, rather than self-promotion or vanity.
If there was anything pejorative about the term it was that these bands were aloof if not indifferent to their audiences.
Quite different from the navel gazers of the current generation - but like Sarah we need to do these experiments for a reason.
Oh this idea of shoe-gazing is fascinating. I haven't heard of that before. Definitely an interesting correlation here. Thank you for reading, Timothy!
Self absorbed living removes all beauty, grace, and mystery from our lives. What we see, hear, experience in this crazy world -a child splashing in water, a dog running to its owner in joy, the taste of ice cream- all daily graces, gifts to us from God.
This the year I deleted all social media, stopped weighing myself, I stay up late stuck in a good book, and stopped evaluating every thought, every minute of my life, and commit distress to Gods mercy.
Sounds pious but its hard work!
This. The obsession with self created by Facebook, Instagram etc is ridiculous and unhealthy. It's a distraction from focus on God. A friend urged me to take the Enneagram test, and my thought is, Why? So that I can think about myself more? C.S. Lewis' words are so good! God will give us just the right amount of self awareness so that we are wise but not self obsessed. We don't live for the admiration of strangers on social media, but for the approval of our audience of One.
Wonderful Essay, Sarah.
Thanks for inviting us into this experiment.
Pride is both thinking to much of ourselves and to little.
The way we use our ‘lenses’ whether our eyes or cameras will affect both.
Not a fan of the Enneagram, but an a fan of your thoughts here-very well written.